Accepting My Blackness
THESE WORDS WERE WRITTEN BY MY FRIEND, ALANNA. I ASKED HER TO TELL ME HER STORY. TELL ME ABOUT THE GRIEF, THE INJUSTICES, THE PERSPECTIVE OF BEING A BLACK WOMAN. HERE IS HER POWERFUL RESPONSE.
May we survey the deepest regions of our hearts and uproot the weeds of racial rejection, bias, and prejudice.
My black experience hasn’t been a very violent or terrifying experience. It has been isolating, discouraging, and has broken my confidence at times. This kind of racism is the catalyst for the violent, traumatizing, and brutal racism that is currently shocking many of the non-black people in my life.
My black experience has been growing up around mostly non-black people and being seen as the “black girl” or the “black friend, cousin, niece, girlfriend, granddaughter…” I used to think ‘Why is this always the first adjective to describe me?’ As if it were a shameful quality to have.
“Do you ever straighten you hair? It would look better. Can you get a brush through your hair? Are you adopted? Why is your mom white? You’re pretty for a black girl. Did you go to the beach or something? You look really black.”
Alanna with her mom.
I remember in middle school, I’d straighten my hair every day. I’d hide from the sun. As I got older, those things changed but on surveys or applications I’d still check the “other” boxes under the race category. Who am I hiding from? If I admit that I’m black, will that make me a target of hate?
As a biracial woman, I’ve found myself being complacent and quiet in conversation surrounding racism in America but silence solves nothing. Only now do I realize that it was my privilege as a biracial woman to decide to not use my voice. Now I have made it my duty to use my voice because I live in two very different worlds that need to meet and end the divide.
Since fully accepting my blackness, I have been bold and stood firm in it. I’ve learned it is nothing to be ashamed of. This acceptance has lead to some deterioration in my relationships with others but that’s okay because those who choose to not try to understand don’t deserve to hear it. I pray for those people. Now I choose to be close with and surround myself with those who choose to hear and listen to not just me or black people, but all people of color. I surround myself with others who do not see black as a threat, or dirty or wrong but those who accept it and who see the burden of inequality society has placed on us.
I hope no one takes this the wrong way, but we are hurting. We have been hurting for generations and we are tired. So just listen, hear us, and help us make a change.
“A system cannot fail those it was never designed to protect.” - unknown