I Spoke

I have too many words. I’m a girl. As such, I realize this revelation may not come as a shock. What is shocking is how my words have shifted in recent years away from my own knowledge and toward what God has given me to say for Him. Man, oh man! I just gotta testify!
I feel more compelled than ever to grab people by the shoulders, shake them, and ask with fervency through gritted teeth, “Do you KNOW how much Jesus loves you? Do you know what is available through Him?” I’m thinking that might not be the most effective way to share Christ’ love. It could come off a little cra-cra, right?  Instead, I’ll try to impart my passion for the Lord through blogging and (ahem) speaking. Did you catch that? It’s a new arrival of God’s presence in my life.

Recently, I had an opportunity to speak at church. And I’m gonna tell you about it, on account of all the words I have.
First let me get some important qualifiers out of the way:

You might think that since I’ve been blogging for all of 8 months this qualified me to speak at church. Um, no.

You might think that I was asked by a church leader to speak at church.
Wrong again.

You might also think that my audience was confined to women, or children, or youth.
This “no” shocks me most of all.

You might also think that I have a special degree or skill set to be qualified and capable of speaking about these things. I assure you, I do not. I feel like that bears repeating: I do not.

I am qualified through Christ alone.

Now that all that’s been laid to rest, let me tell you how I got up there in front of those people, with that goofy grin of mine (as pictured above).

A couple of months ago, I was getting ready for church when I felt this prompting from my Father in Heaven: Tell Chuck (our teaching pastor) that you’re ready to teach.

Me: Um. What? This can’t be you, Lord. I’m not ready to teach. Teach what? I don’t think “telling” is the right route to take, maybe asking would be better? But that’s beside the point, I don’t want to. Why? No. I can’t. No.

My Father: If you were encouraging someone else to step out in faith, what would you say to them?

Me: I know where this is going. No. Please Lord, this can’t be you asking me to do this. AAAAAgggghhhhhhh!

My Father: You know it’s me. What you would say to one of my children that didn’t think they were qualified for what I was asking them to do? I’ll tell you what you would say.  My spirit would prompt you to remind them:
If God is for you, who can be against you? You cannot fail. What can mere mortals do to you? He’s given you everything you need for life and godliness. You would tell them not to fear. I am telling you the same.
And then he led me to this passage:
Luke 10:21-23
21 At that same time Jesus was filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit, and he said, “O Father thank you for hiding these things from those who think themselves wise and clever, and for revealing them to the childlike. Yes, Father, it pleased you to do it this way.
22 “My Father has entrusted everything to me. No one truly knows the Son except the Father, and no one truly knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.”
23 Then when they were alone, he turned to the disciples and said,“Blessed are the eyes that see what you have seen. 24 I tell you, many prophets and kings longed to see what you see, but they didn’t see it. And they longed to hear what you hear, but they didn’t hear it.”

I chose you to reveal my truth. It’s for you first, my chosen child. Now it’s time to share it.

Me: Ok. If there is an opportunity to speak with Chuck after the service then I will tell him.

I’m sure if God wasn’t the kind of loving Father he is, then He would’ve rolled His eyes at me. Even as I write this I want to punch myself in the face for my unbelief. Ugh. Thank God for his gentleness and patience with me.

My family and I made our way to church, on time no less. The audience was small that night–this would give ample time afterward to speak with him. I was still wrestling with sharing what the Lord was prompting me to do. I was still doubting. Thankfully, God never gives up on me. He never stops showing me who He is and what He sees in me.

Pastor Chuck finished up worship and started flipping through his bible as he made his way to the pulpit.

Then he said, “Before I begin with what I had prepared for tonight’s message I just needed to share this word I received during worship. I don’t know who it’s for or why it’s important  but I’m just gonna read it and be obedient to the Lord’s prompting. Bear with me while I find it… Ah, here it is, Luke 10.”

What?!
You guys, my jaw dropped. From the first word, I absolutely could not stop sobbing. I knew what I would have to do, I would have to step out. I would have to tell him I was ready to teach.

Even after that wonderful confirmation, I still wrestled and doubted through the rest of that message. I hadn’t even told my husband what the Lord had been unraveling in the last couple of hours. I wanted to ask him if I was being foolish or if I should step out. I wanted his approval and his encouragement. I was stalling.
The Lord stopped me again and gave me this verse:
Galatians 4:6
Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.

Then He impressed these words on my heart and sealed them in a way I could never remove or explain:

You are my daughter. Let my Spirit remind you, as it cries out from within you, that you are an heir to my kingdom. All I have is yours. I have qualified you. You have heard from me. What more do you need?

So.much.crying.

I finally surrendered.
Me: You’re right, Father. I hear you calling my name. I will tell our Pastor and leave the rest up to you.
After the service I stopped stumbling through my obedience and found my footing. Sort of. I trembled and cried and barely spoke the words audibly but I got them out. Hey, a win’s a win.
Pastor Chuck just looked up and said, “I’ve been praying for teachers to rise up.”

Again, with the jaw dropping moment. Feeling more confident in the Lord, I told him the part about Galatians 4:6.

His response was, “Great. That’s exactly the confirmation I needed.”

Followed by, “So how often would you like to teach?”

Ummmm…I still haven’t fully answered that question but my heart says: everyday, all the time.

Like I said, my Father in heaven keeps giving me all of these words to say, I keep seeing things I can’t un-see and I keep getting revelations that I could never understand with my own mind.

It’s so obvious to me (finally!), His truth is meant to be shared. As long as there is breath in my lungs I will share it.

Next up on the blog, I’ll share the truth He gave me for that first teaching opportunity.
And by the way, thanks for reading all these words. You’re the best.